Local Synagogue Splits Into Three Factions After Someone Changed the Thermostat
A two-degree adjustment on a Tuesday afternoon is now being described by participants as "the incident."
What began as a routine Tuesday morning service at Congregation Beth Shalom ended in the formation of two splinter groups and one committee established to investigate the original splinter groups. The cause, according to seventeen separate eyewitness accounts that do not agree on any detail, was the thermostat.
One faction, known internally as the Warm Ones, maintains that 72 degrees is a reasonable temperature for a house of worship. The opposing group, which has not yet chosen a name but is leaning toward something from Deuteronomy, insists that 70 is correct and that 72 is "an insult to the season." A third group formed specifically to mediate between the first two has since split over whether mediation should happen before or after Kiddush.
The rabbi has declined to comment. Sources say he has locked himself in his office with a space heater and a sandwich and is not answering emails.